Living » LOL

Mom Sent Me Cookies

matt — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 16:59:04 +0000

Bork bork bork

matt — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 14:19:53 +0000

Maybe it’s all the classical I’ve been listening to as of late, but this was absolutely hilarious and really brightened my morning. Borka Borka Bork.

In Which I Chase a Squirrel

matt — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 19:28:42 +0000

The video pretty much explains everything…

And yes, I am breathing hard at the end of the video, deal with it. I’m a sysadmin, not an Olympic squirrel wrangler.

Sometimes you just have to COMMIT

matt — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 20:29:26 +0000

If I ever get married again, my wedding vows will be written in PL/SQL, with the honorable Larry Ellison presiding over the ceremony. I’m sure he’s gotten his ordination through the Universal Life Church by now.

START TRANSACTION UPDATE life SET husband='matt', wife='julie';

Then Mr. Ellison would ask the crowd gathered at the event if there is any reason we shouldn’t be wed, and ROLLBACK; if so.

In the end marriage is about one thing, you just gotta COMMIT;.

If you didn’t understand a damn bit of that, you’re not nerdy enough, and should go learn about transactions, commits, and rollbacks.

Habitat for Inhumanity

matt — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 13:58:36 +0000

Congrats to [variable] on having his 15 minutes of fame on the daily show.

It’s too bad they didn’t let you keep the Enhanced Home Makeover shirt.

Don’t Mess With My Camera, Bro

matt — Tue, 13 May 2008 19:44:51 +0000

Jeremy Brooks has a great writeup entitled “If You Put That Picture On The Internet I’ll Call My Lawyer.” I can only hope to handle a similar situation in the same way. Although, there are parts of the city I want to photograph but will not venture there until I have my Ohio concealed firearm carry permit. Better to have it and not need it, than need it and not have it.

I Love Beards

matt — Fri, 09 May 2008 04:50:41 +0000

I cannot possibly describe how awesome this is: The Quest For Every Beard Type. I love my beard, you should too!

Electronics Geek + Gamer = Hacks

matt — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 15:37:45 +0000

I love hacking electronics, or at least thinking about it. I’ve had this particular thought before, but I never realized the beauty of it in action until now. Go to about 1:30 and watch from there if you’re impatient. The video is lengthy but shows just what a little Microchip PIC and some tinkering can pull off. Can you say “Machine Pistol?”

Via Hack a Day.

Big baddaboom

matt — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 17:35:15 +0000

Words cannot describe just how much destruction a simple water heater can cause if its safety features are disabled/bypassed. You must watch this video, it is worth every bit of your time. Seriously – this got a huge laugh out of me, and out of everyone in the office who I showed it to. Much thanks to Mike (Vendy) for showing it to me in the first place. Without further adieu…

Morally Inferior, Politically Superior

matt — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 14:39:51 +0000

News has been rattling around the web about the governor of New York, Eliot Spitzer being “linked to a prostitution ring.” And that’s putting it lightly – the executive summary version of his offense reads like the note your principal sent home with you when you got caught smoking in the boys bathroom.

The man described as Client 9 in the affidavit arranged to meet with a prostitute who was part of the ring, Emperors Club VIP, on the night of Feb. 13. Mr. Spitzer traveled to Washington that evening, according to a person told of his travel arrangements.

The affidavit says that Client 9 met with the woman in hotel room 871 but does not identify the hotel. Mr. Spitzer stayed at the Mayflower Hotel in Washington on Feb. 13, according to a source who was told of his travel arrangements. Room 871 at the Mayflower Hotel that evening was registered under the name George Fox.

The law enforcement official said that several people running the prostitution ring knew Mr. Spitzer by the name of George Fox, though a few of the prostitutes came to realize he was the governor of New York.

For those interested, the NY Times has a PDF of the complaint filed against the states favorite ladies man — “Yeah, Manhattan, do it in the butt.”

Eliot, you naughty boy. So how much was he paying to fulfill his fantasy of being Richard Gere in Pretty Woman? About $5,500 per hour. What the NY Times won’t tell you is “so what does a $5,500/hour prostitute look like? (SFW)” — Thankfully, the blogosphere comes through on this one — $5,500 an hour gets you a respectable looking prostitute. But really, Eliot, was throwing away your spot in the governor’s mansion really worth it for one of the ladies of the Emporer’s Club VIP? Don’t worry, the link is safe for work. I’ve not reserved judgement for you Eliot: congratulations on destroying your governorship, marriage, public image, and proving yourself a liar. And god help you if Hillary ends up in the white house because your wife (for however long, dumbass) works for Hillary – seems the tables have turned on who is grabbing ankle. But you’re not the first, that’s for sure. Statesmen ’round the country are being outed as the sexual fruitcakes they are. Larry Craig in the bathroom at the aiport. Jim McGreevy and the adulterous tollbooth. Kwame Kilpatrick in the library with with “pipe wrench” (wink wink.) Good job guys – showing us that politicians are no different than they ever were. But I’m not going to hold it against you, I’m fine with my own particular alignment in my own particular moral hemisphere. Even the Romans loved a good orgy — and nobody back then seemed to care. Politicians never really change – let’s just hope Our Next President (fingers crossed!) keeps the junkets to freaky deeky sex land to an absolute minimum.