Living

As most of you know, I’m a fairly new resident of Cincinnati. I came from State College, PA and Penn State a few months ago. Of course, the State of Ohio has to have their fingers in my business (as if Ohio State wasn’t pain enough) in the form of registration required for my four-wheeled child, the 4Runner. No worry, I figure – I’ve got proof of insurance, a passport and a birth certificate in my war chest for this particular sortie. Boy was I wrong.

Firstly, the Ohio BMV New Resident page is next to useless, revealing the first heartbreaking fault of this whole process. I have to have something with my SSN on it to get a license. Come on ladies and gents – it’s a passport, I had to go through hell and high water and AAA to get this blessed piece of ground up pressed wood pulp. But that I can throw aside for now, as my PA license is quite valid until sometime in 2009.

If you own a vehicle, you will need to have it inspected. The purpose is to avoid registration of stolen vehicles. All license agencies offer this service and many, but not all, new car dealers do also, so call ahead to be sure. Ask for the service department at the car dealers.

The inspection of your vehicle will verify the make, model, body type, and manufacturer’s serial number or vehicle identification number. You will be given the completed inspection form.

This part was easy, and stupid. I went to the Fyord dealer down the street and pulled into their garage. Once I had the attention (no small feat) the upstanding citizen who was obviously stoned or looking at porn on the computer at the service desk, I asked about this out of state inspection form. The reprobate nods, and wanders off. Shortly there after a fellow came out, recorded the VIN from my door frame, had me write my name, rank and serial number on this paper, proceeded to charge me tre-fitty, and I was on my way. I suppose this is all some sort of VIN typo-preventing excercise.

After fighting with the 1980s flashback which is the fax machine at work, I divined the proceedure neccessary to make the bloody thing send a long distance fax. This golden fax was a request to my bank to assist in fulfilling the following bullet-point requests in getting the 4Runner titled in Ohio:

If you have a lien on your car, you will have to request that your original title be sent directly to the title office so the lien can be recorded on the Ohio title as well as supply an original or copy of the loan papers;

If you lease a car, contact your leasing agency to find out how they want you to handle the title transfer. It varies from company to company;

A nice letter to the fine folks at PSECU was all that seemed to be required, informing them to fax a copy of my title and “loan paperwork” to the fax number for the Clerk of Courts’ Auto Title Department. Apparently this is too much to ask, as Pennsylvania doesn’t do paper titles or some such nonsense. I didn’t remember the part about absolutely having to have a copy of the title when I left my office today, and headed for the BMV on Redbank.

It’s 5:45 when I pull in, and they’re open till 6:00. Plenty of time – PSECU had hopefully sent all the paperwork, and I could be in and out in moments. I enter the room through two sets of poorly labeled doors, deceptive in their true holdings, to be greeted by a bunch of grumpy women in their mid to late fifties. Asked about my fax, it hadn’t arrived. I was told by the woman that they had to have the title, and when I informed them of the fact “I do not own the vehicle, my bank does,” they repeated the same statement. I stated that the Ohio BMV’s new resident website told me this is what I needed, and was told “that’s not our website.” Apparently one hand isn’t doing a good job of sharing the cock, as these folks seem to be utterly clueless in the processes in which they’re involved. So it appears that this Clerk of Courts’ Auto Title Department has nothing to do with the BMV – I can accept that, but how about a little cooperation. I was inches away from verbally abusing these elderly wenches of ill-use but, somehow managed to hold it in. Kyle wouldn’t have held it in. I stated that I wasn’t going to waste their time, turned my back and walked out.

Tommorow holds the promise of being on the phone with PSECU’s title department trying to get a copy of my title and loan paperwork (which, of course, have to be transmitted with signatures on that 1980s abomination the fax machine) to the Clerk of Courts’ Auto Title Department which is not part of the BMV. I’ll try to keep you posted.