Living

If I ever get married again, my wedding vows will be written in PL/SQL, with the honorable Larry Ellison presiding over the ceremony. I’m sure he’s gotten his ordination through the Universal Life Church by now.

START TRANSACTION
UPDATE life SET husband='matt', wife='annie';

Then Mr. Ellison would ask the crowd gathered at the event if there is any reason we shouldn’t be wed, and ROLLBACK; if so.

In the end marriage is about one thing, you just gotta COMMIT;.

If you didn’t understand a damn bit of that, you’re not nerdy enough, and should go learn about transactions, commits, and rollbacks.

Congrats to [variable] on having his 15 minutes of fame on the daily show.

It’s too bad they didn’t let you keep the Enhanced Home Makeover shirt.

I have previously presented discourse in the area of discipline known to pessimists as “we’re fucked”, but we’ll go there again just in case you missed it the first time. But before I segue into the rambling you’re probably expecting, let me say that if Smart People think that we need something like this seed vault, we’re more screwed than I thought. Without further adieu, I link the Doomsday Seed Vault.

I awoke to a waterfall coming down the back steps of my house, but by virtue of the floor drain that wasn’t a problem. Once I sured up everthing in the basement, it was off to work. I got another series of surprises, trees down and blocking Erie ave in front of the police station, and part of the intersection on delta… but it wasn’t until I navigated that particular obstruction that I came upon this sad sight. Two approximately 200 year old oak trees were ripped clean out of the ground, flip over on their sides. The size of the root ball alone was bigger than a large SUV. Look at the steps for scale.

And for the first time, I do youtube! I hope this goes well.

Video contains: little tree snapped off, bigger tree snapped off, exceptionally huge tree ripped out. Sorry for the rambling, please let me know if you want the next two minutes of your life back.

But wait, there’s another one down. This time a pine…
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Jeremy Brooks has a great writeup entitled “If You Put That Picture On The Internet I’ll Call My Lawyer.” I can only hope to handle a similar situation in the same way. Although, there are parts of the city I want to photograph but will not venture there until I have my Ohio concealed firearm carry permit. Better to have it and not need it, than need it and not have it.

I cannot possibly describe how awesome this is: The Quest For Every Beard Type. I love my beard, you should too!

I love hacking electronics, or at least thinking about it. I’ve had this particular thought before, but I never realized the beauty of it in action until now. Go to about 1:30 and watch from there if you’re impatient. The video is lengthy but shows just what a little Microchip PIC and some tinkering can pull off. Can you say “Machine Pistol?”

Via Hack a Day.

Does your cable modem suck? Do you randomly get booted from World of Warcraft, suffer from being knif…err “LAG!!!” in games like counter strike or team fortress 2? It could be your ISP sucks, or it could be your cable modem. But how do you know? Don’t call the company, use your modem’s built-in diagnostic webserver — http://192.168.100.1 — to troubleshoot a few things. This works on ALL DOCSIS compliant cable modems - it’s part of the standard as far as I know. Armed with the knowledge contained in this diagnostic website, you can tackle the big 4 suspects in flaky cable internet access: Signal, Splitters, Cabling and Connectors.

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Words cannot describe just how much destruction a simple water heater can cause if its safety features are disabled/bypassed. You must watch this video, it is worth every bit of your time. Seriously - this got a huge laugh out of me, and out of everyone in the office who I showed it to. Much thanks to Mike (Vendy) for showing it to me in the first place. Without further adieu…

News has been rattling around the web about the governor of New York, Eliot Spitzer being “linked to a prostitution ring.” And that’s putting it lightly - the executive summary version of his offense reads like the note your principal sent home with you when you got caught smoking in the boys bathroom.

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